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Something to think about: Imagine there is a bank which credits your account each morning with $86,400, carries over no balance from day to day, allows you to keep no cash balance, and
every evening cancels whatever part of the amount you had failed to use during the day. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow". You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today.
A little psychological test for you Answer questions 1-10 before moving on. No cheating... Read the following questions imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively. Q1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with? Q2. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it? Q3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal? Q4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size. Q5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? Q6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table. Q7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)? Q8. What do you do with the cup? Q9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it (creek, river, ocean, etc...) Q10. How will you cross the water? See below.... This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows. A1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life. * A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines." * Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control. * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? * He who laughs last thinks slowest. * It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. * Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. * Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. * I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. * Where there's a will, I want to be in it. * OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? * Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it. * I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. * Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students * Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. * Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. * Give me ambiguity or give me something else. * We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse. * Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. * Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. * Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. * There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. * Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? * Keep honking...I'm reloading Things about you can learn from a dog * Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. * When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. * Let others know when they've invaded your territory. * When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. * Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp and play daily. Be loyal. * If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. * When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. * Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. * On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree. * When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. * No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout . . . run right back and make friends. * Delight in the simple joy of a long walk * Enjoy what you have, specially life Facts * In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. * It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs * In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. * Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate. Welcome To The Psychiatric Hotline - If you are obsessive-compulsive....
..please press 1 repeatedly. 1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? In a court room a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. "Within 1minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door. The jury,somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquires the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt;saw all of you stare at the door." Answers the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn't." Little known facts: * If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. * No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired." Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village". * There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. * The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards". * The most common name in the world is Mohammed. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together." The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots. * Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize that *this* was the day of the changeover. * The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" such that it rhymed with "rejoice." In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam." Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson. * More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes. The term, "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye" is from Ancient Rome. The only rule during wrestling matches was, "No eye gouging." Everything else was allowed, but the only way to be disqualified was to poke someone's eye out. * A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton. * Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain. > > > The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds 1) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. 2) Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 3) A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 4) On the other hand, you have different fingers. * Dickson's Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. * Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. * One good turn gets most of the blankets. * There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. * Life is sexually transmitted. * An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. * If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"? * ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI. * Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was H20 Was H2SO4. * A closed mouth gathers no feet. * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. * It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. * Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. * Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. * Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. * Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? * Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? * Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? * How do I set my laser printer on stun? * How is it possible to have a civil war? * If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? * If God dropped acid, would he see people? * If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? * If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? * If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? * If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? * If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? * If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Is a castrated pig disgruntled? * Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? * Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? * Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? * What happens when none of your bees wax? Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? * If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole aeroplane made out of the stuff? * Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? * Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? * Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? * How come abbreviated is such a long word? * If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? * Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? * Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? * Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? * What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? * If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? * Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? When two aeroplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!! * Do fish get cramps after eating? * Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? * Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? * If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? * Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor? * Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. * Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. * How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? * If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? * Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? * How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? * Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? * What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? * Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? * I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. * If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? * Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? * Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut * My Driving experience used to own an electric car, unfortunately I had to sell it, I Couldn't go far because of my extension lead. At the traffic light usually people see amber, green and red. I usually manage to see a flashing bleu light after I jump the red Light, Last time a policewomen stopped me and said;" where are we going big boy", I said" Since I'm married, not to my place, what about your place? Are you the driver? The car is Automatic am here just in case. Do you know how fast you were going? No, you tell Me, you are the one trying to catch up with me"....." Trying to be a smart-ass? Do you Wish to spend the night in jail or would you rather prefer a £40 ticket". I am not Interested in a free accommodation I would rather take the cash price, give it to me now! ....." Trying to be an asshole now, I am giving you 4 points on your driving licence."Thanks a million, doe's it mean if I get 4 more points will win an Electric kettle or a toaster."That is it. You are toast I had it with. * When I get into trouble I say: I should have listened to my Mum! And my friends say: and What does you mum say? I don't know I never listened to her * My Auto bumper sticker says, "I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better" * A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon near Dublin. Irish Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. * Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types. * The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've gotten sick of him. * Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too. * A woman's work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do. * If you want a nice man, go for a bald one -- they try harder. * Go for younger men. You might as well-they never mature anyway. * There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men--don't and "stop" (but not used together). * Men are all the same-they just have different faces so you can tell them apart. * Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is. * Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men-a woman. * There are a lot of words you can use to describe men-strong, caring, > loving-they'd be wrong but you could still use them! * Men are like animals-messy, insensitive and potentially violent but > they make great pets! * Men's brains are like the prison system-not enough cells per man. * Husbands are like children-they're fine if they're someone else's. 1. Man: "Haven't we met before?" 2. Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? 3. Man: "Is this seat empty?" 4. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" 5. Man: "Your place or mine?" 6. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" 7. Man: "So what do you do for a living?" 8. Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" 9. Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" 10. Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the 11. Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." 12. Man: "I know how to please a woman." 13. Man: "I want to give myself to you." 14. Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy: 15. Man: "Your body is like a temple." 16. Man: "I'd go through anything for you." 17. Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
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